Ronnie and Cynthia talks about how we correct the problem of the passive husband.

The truth about marriage is rather clear. However, man has often blurred the truth by his doctrines.

God is the author of marriage (a couple joined for life in a special spiritual and physical relationship). God said, “it is not good that the man should be alone…” (Gen. 2: 18). It is a common fact that man is a social being. His life is enhanced and increased by having a proper companion. God then said, “…I will make an help meet for him.” The Hebrew word translated “help meet” suggests a counter-part. Some versions have the footnote, “helper comparable to him.”

God made woman for man. It has been remarked that God made Eve, not Steve for Adam. The woman was created for man! (Gen. 2: 18-22, 23). The apostle Paul later wrote, “Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man” (I Cor. 11: 9). “…Man is not of the woman,” he further argues to illustrate man’s headship, “but the woman of the man” (vs. 8). Man is in “the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man” (vs. 7). Since God made woman for man, she is ideally suited both emotionally, anatomically, and psychologically to meet the needs of man.

When my friend suggested that I write a blog about children who do not have mothers, I agreed that it made sense that I would write it. I mean, I do write about overcoming emotional and child sexual abuse. However, my mother was physically present. She was there to make me the best home cooked meals that I can still taste inside of my mouth from my childhood.

My mother was physically present but emotionally absent. She never told me she loved me, and in my book Identity Crisis, Identity Christ Is: A Journey to Love, I talk a lot about our relationship because it was relevant. I needed love, and for her to show her love toward me. I was an angry child because of the child molestation I had suffered at for years old by my sisters ex-boyfriend.

My mother did the best she could and I do not take it lightly that she raised me, with little money or help, I was not easy to raise- but she could have changed that if she had just been there. She watched movies and never displayed affection. She did not take me to church to be involved in activities when I begged her to, and she did not take the time to do things with me that she now does with my daughter.

She did not come to my basketball games, and the one time that I invited her to the court and practically made her come out of the house to watch me play, I was the star, which kind of frustrated the men on the court at the time- but I could hang. I hit ten three pointers in a row and drew a close to their mouth and a spot on the court. She still sat in the car while I played.

Honestly, I don’t think I’m ready to write in depth about my mother. I have forgiven her, and I love her with all of my heart.  I wrote a letter to my mother, and that really sums up how I personally feel about my mother, at this point in my life. My mother has had her own share of abuse, and that may be why she was not emotionally available for me.

What I’d like for someone reading this to take with them is the necessity of a mother’s relationship. Mothers nurture their girls, and boys in different ways. I believe that God knew what he was doing by creating a man and a woman to raise a child and therefore it creates a certain level of balance.

Many people write about absent fathers, but for me, I knew my father was crazy and I always wanted a father, not necessarily mine. My mother however, is a different story. We need the tenderness of a mother’s care. She took care of me when I was sick, and she made me breakfast, lunch and dinner.

My mother was not there for me, and may never understand the impact of that statement. I never grew up with knowing resentment for absence besides anger. In my book, I talk about what changed my heart toward her.

To any mother who has abandoned her child, whether you are in the home and do so because of a job or a man, or if you have walked out leaving your husband for another woman, or a “better life”, we as women have the same responsibility to love our children as we behead men for not.

Men teach their girls what to attract in a man, and women do the same for their boys. For their girls, they teach them how to be a woman. In my situation, I have always been a strong person who Is not easily influenced. The decisions that I have made, whether poor or powerful, I stand by them and learn from them.

I have dated some of the men that have come from broken relationships with their mothers, and let me tell you, I cannot run fast enough. The emptiness that can come from a broken relationship with your mother, is just as significant, just as potent, just as life determining as a broken relationship with your father.

I encourage all women to please stand up, take your place, value your relationships. For in time we all, women and men regardless of financial status or race will return to our youth, and our children will switch roles. Do you want them to remember you for your absence or your unwillingness to be moved by circumstances?

As some of my other blogs have revealed, I was homeless three years, and I refused to give my daughter to anyone else to raise. I talked to her in depth, we grew closer in relationship and love, she has had to walk through some hard times with me, but if I had left her, she would not be the young woman that she is now.

Mothers, and fathers, we need you- not just on weekends but every day. Even if you are not with the child’s mother or father, you can be a full time parent always.

Buy the Book -à www.identitycrisisbook.com

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Heal with Me!

As a victor of emotional and child sexual abuse, I find myself in each post, and share information that will challenge you to heal within so that you can become more of yourself than you’ve ever known. We are what the world has been waiting for, aren’t we? Join my blog if you enjoy living a life at liberty to be unapologetic about your divinely beautiful self.

93% of Sexual Predators are Religious

How many more religious cases of abuse will happen before we start including sexual abuse and molestation conversation in the church? As a victor of child sexual abuse, and a Christian I just wanted to know if there was any mention at all of sexual abuse as a sin in the bible. We hear so much from the Catholic Church, and from situations in the Baptist, and Non-Denominational Churches. Regardless of sect, we are self identified Christians. Did you know that 93% of predators are religious? I will talk about this a little more below.

My mission is to go into churches and speak to the ministry leaders, and the congregation about sexual abuse because it is so widely spread within the church. I grew up with people who were molested by a man who I knew, in church. He never did it to me but he also thought I was angry, bad and defiant, which I was. He, I’m sure was afraid that I would fight and then snitch, which I would have. Although I have had encounters with sexual abuse outside of church, when I was made aware of this in the church, in my early twenties it left a heavy hurt within me for the women that I knew who carry this memory.

This man is the reason that the Sexual Offender List called

A few weeks ago, I was at a friend’s house and there was something in my spirit that lead me to ask her about her children, whether they had experienced sexual abuse. The answer was a resounding yes. Without giving detail of the situation, I will say that we had a talk about it. She loves me deeply, and I love her the same so we can talk without anyone stomping out of the room or hanging up on each other, even when it would seem that offense would surface. She knows I would never want to hurt or condemn her.

I took some liberties with her that have separated my sister and I for years.  I told her that I supported her but I challenged her choice to not tell anyone about the predator. It was a family member and she used a scripture from the bible that says that you shouldn’t take anyone to court. Well, I’m prepared to show you that God sees Sexual Perversion as grounds for death, so in that sense, maybe she’s right!

Her situation angered me so much that I prayed that night and came up with Ten Ways to Safeguard you Child from Sexual Abuse. I prayed on it and got revelation and confirmation the following morning. It was all of my passions, the messages on the inside of me that I am supposed to share with others in a basket. I started writing about the list that was created. I realized that this is such an epidemic that I could not keep quiet. I don’t think I’m operating in me right now. This is not something you wake up in the morning and want to do to be honest, at least not me. I wrote Identity Crisis, Identity Christ Is: A Journey to Love as a memoir that I believe would bless others out of my obedience to my higher power, not realizing that it would indeed create a platform or that it would open doors the way that my prophetess friend shared.

As I do more research and learn how I can be of service, I realize that 80% of people who suffer from drug and alcohol addiction have been sexually abused.  The Abel and Harlow Child Molestation Prevention Study was conducted with 4,000 admitted child molesters. They found that 77% of child molesters are married. You are probably wondering why I have random pictures in this post. These pictures are of men who are convicted child molesters.

Famous Hollywood director who plead guilty to 5 counts of child sex

The “Clownhouse” and “Jeepers Creepers” movie star, was protested against by angry victims of sexual abuse regarding the film Powder (1995) which was a movie controlled by Buena Vista Films who is solely owned by Disney.

Here are some additional statistics that will blow your mind, and then I will share a few scriptures that do support that Child Abuse is a Sin.

Sexual Abusers fight for the right to attend Church

In an article that I found in the Washington Post addressing sexual abuse and the church, it seems that this is a really important topic nowadays. And with all of the negative press against church parishioners in the varying sects of Christianity, and religion as a whole, I completely understand why they are trying to figure out what to do. After all the bible does say that all should be forgiven. Who are we to judge?

Robbie Potter is a registered Sex Offender

93% of child molesters are religious. Of course, I am not surprised. I believe that everything happens from the head down so when priests, Eddie Long, and others are caught for their actions, and then their actions are ignored, the sexual abuse continues. It may not continue outwardly now, but please understand that the bible is very clear about the fact that we sin in our thoughts FIRST.

• 77% of Sexual Predators are MARRIED!!!!!!
• 49% of Sexual Predators are College EDUCATED!!!!!!
• 64% of Sexual Predators are WORKING!!!!!!

So ladies, one and twenty men are sexual predators. We know that there are women predators as well, although the number of women and men are vastly different. Neither should be tolerated at any point in time regardless of any gender, race, etc….

In the study, it says that there is no link between the Social Class or a Predator. Only one study linked sexual abuse to a social class and that class was one the highest social class determined by both money and education. There are links with physical abuse to lower-income and education however not sexual abuse.

Scriptural Support

Child molesters maintain that they target 30% of their victims who are stepchild, foster or adopted child, and 19% biological children; 18% are nieces and nephews. 90% of abusers target family members and those they know well. Did you read this? Read it again. And, there is an alarming 40% of child molesters targeting a friend, or neighbor.

In Leviticus 18 it speaks specifically about Grandparents (v.10), and in the verses of chapter 18 it covers a lot about aunts, in-laws, neighbors, homosexuality, and bestiality. Child Molesters are using the fact that God did not name Child Molestation by their review of the word, that it is okay or natural. I read a website last night of a Child Molester who wrote a book, saying that it should be and will begin to be accepted much like the acknowledgement and progression of homosexuality. His book is about us understanding the relationship between a man and young boys. In verse 29 of chapter 18 in Leviticus, it does say that any abominations committed regarding sexual perversion will result in the person being cut off.

Do you remember earlier I mentioned my friend who has children who has been sexually abused? She said that she did not want her family to get into trouble. She like many, are afraid of the impact that it will have on the family, not thinking of what it will psychologically do to their own children. In Leviticus 19: 17 it says that you can’t hate your neighbor but you can rebuke him. To rebuke in short means to reprimand. I’m sure I could go deeper but I’ll leave it here and say that when you reprimand, you must first yourself acknowledge that something was done wrong so that it can be dealt with.  As for my friend, I’ll have her to consider Proverbs 27:5 which says that open rebuke is better than secret love. In many families, keep the secret is better than confronting the issue.

James Edward Green Repeat Sexual Offender who raped two fifteen year old boys recently and is charged with ten felonies including kidnapping.

Sarah Tofte of the Human Rights Watch says 25% of all sex offenders re-offend within 15 years.  In Proverbs 27:5, there are a lot of commentary on this. I do not by any means profess to be a theologian however I will give my two cents as follows:

It is better to bring the issue to the surface and rebuke the person than to hide it in secret hate. See, love is no secret, that is the irony of the passage. Remember this is my interpretation, and comments are welcome. GOD is LOVE and he is not a secret; neither is love for us. Love is pure and when you really pay attention to how love operates, it is the exact opposite of fear as scripture supports. If there is a presence of fear, you are not operating in love.

What should be done?

STOP HIDING!!! Stop protecting the predators and protect your child(ren), and your neighbors children, nieces and nephews etc… Unfortunately, I have never ever heard of someone who is a child molester being totally delivered from being one. My point is that this seems to be an issue that the person chooses as a sinful lifestyle, why support it?

Here is another bible church and sexual abuse/mental illness blog. Please read and share.

I teach Ten Ways to Safeguard your Child from Sexual Abuse, and my prayer is that churches, clergyman, and Christians would be open to having very real conversations about parenting and predators.

Thank you.

Ressurrection Graves

This week we are introducing a young lady that has a testimony and ministry.  Ms. Graves touch our hearts  when we found her blog.  She is gifted in the “Spoken Word” and allows God to use her life experiences to help other women become free from some of the things that hold them in bondage.  She is very transparent and allows herself  to connect with her audience. We are so excited about what God is doing in her ministry and we know you will too.

Resurrection at the Maryland Coalition Against Sexual Assault. She began this video with an explanation of her other poem entitled “RAPE”. Feel free to check out her blog at http://ressurrection.wordpress.com.

Be Blessed!

Cynthia Davis

Tough Love (i.e. Sacrificial Love)

I find myself in the most difficult position of my life. It’s not one I ever imagined being in, yet God has deemed it wise and necessary to put me here. And my family. I don’t want to go into details because that’s not what I want this post to be about.

Some of you out there are going through some of the most difficult times in your lives, too. Many with your marriages and family situations. I am too. I’m not a tough person, nor am I confrontational. In fact, I’m quite the opposite, almost to a fault.

Yet I am forced to exhibit tough love to someone I love more than myself. It hurts. It’s exhausting. But I know if I don’t, she will never move from this place of great pain and depression to live her life completely.

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I found myself this morning in my prayer time with such a weight in my heart for my own situation and some others that have contacted us for prayers. The words to the song “I Surrender All” flowed from my heart and lips. I could think of nothing else to do than just hand it all over to God and truly trust He has it all in control even when it seems completely out of control. Not an easy thing to do.

My heart is breaking for my daughter, and for those of you out there struggling, feeling like you are in a hopeless situation. But I refuse to believe any situation is hopeless. Nothing we are facing right now is bigger than our God. And though it may seem He’s not working, we can trust that He is.

Maybe God wants us in that position to surrender all so that He can move in full swing and accomplish much more than we can even imagine. We see only the issue on the surface, yet God sees the roots growing much deeper into our lives and into our futures. He’s not satisfied with a temporary band aide when He holds life to the fullest out to us in his scarred hand. A future full of promise and hope.

Unfortunately, it sometimes means we have to get our hands dirty and give that tough love to get there. Be willing to do the hard stuff for the benefit of our loved ones. Give the kind of love Christ gave us. Sacrificial love.

Whatever you’re facing, you can do this. We can do this. God is there, and He won’t leave us or abandon us in our greatest time of need. He wants to bring wholeness and healing into our lives, for us and for our loved ones.

If you are in this place, please let us know. Lynn and I want to be praying for you. Leave comments or use our email contact information, which is on each of our About pages. Don’t lose hope. Bring the light of Christ into your situation, full beam with the prayers of others added to yours.

We will persevere.

Praying and believing,

Dineen/ Spiritually Unequal Marriage

And the Walls Came A-Tumbling Down